I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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