all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
