I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Four minutes until I can fart!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
