It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you will always have a special place in my vag
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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