just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
