We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
