Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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