I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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