Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
