i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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