I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
