thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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