Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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