whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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