She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you inspire me to be a worse person
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
