I think I died a long time ago.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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