Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
