im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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