she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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