Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
