sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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