Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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