thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
