I cockslap morals
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize