I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
