she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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