there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
