just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize