a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
