I need to stop coming to work sober
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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