UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
