i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it's like iHOP with fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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