Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I forget how to act sober
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
