Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
