He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He passed out mid-signature
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
