That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I puked a lego.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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