if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
