My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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