It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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