My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
