saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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