3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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