I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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