i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
