I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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