I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
