Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
