I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
