Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
