Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
