My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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