i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
