thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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