youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
