Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
