And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
