I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
