This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
