; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
