bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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